Dear fucking diary

[Sage Amato]

2.10.2011

dear fucking diary,

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Goddammit! ARGH! I never right in this stupid things but I have absolutely no one to talk to. Semper is probably too depressed and I don't wanna bother him with this shit and Chicago is being the ultimate queen of bitches right now. I feel almost as hurt and betrayed as Semp! We both loved Semper more than anything but I backed off cuz she was my sister and it was obvious he had feelings for her more than he had feelings for me but fuck this. I don't care how she feels anymore. She brought this upon herself by dating that Kaleb dude. Whatever, she could have had perfection. Her loss.

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love,
sage amato

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[Sage Amato]

5.01.2011

dear fucking diary,

Let me start off by saying how much I fucking hate my dad. Who does he think he is? He has no right to keep taking me away form school like this! Well, I guess he has the right but I don't think he should. He was never a father to me and now all of a sudden he realized that he has cancer and now that he needs the family name to continue in the Apple business he's dead set on "training" me or whatever. Bull fucking shit. I honestly don't care.

So great, I've missed weeks of school several times, most people would be happy. No. One, I knew Chicago was gone but I wasn't there to say goodbye and I still don't know the whole story because when someone starts to tell me I get snatched by my father.

Two, Semp and Chicago are dating now. Yeah, I knew it was bound to happen and I really had no chance with the guy but...there's still a part of me that wonders if I could have done something different but instead I had to be in New York. This is probably the hardest thing. Seeing someone you love, be in love with someone else.

Three, Kaleb and Tam are no longer engaged and Semp fought Kaleb. Really? And I wasn't there to back him up or support Tam through all of this. Great friend I am.

I don't know what's going on in my life any more and I hate it. I hate not being in control. I hate feeling isolated and distant and clueless. I hate all of this.

love,
sage amato

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[Sage Amato]

S A G E ' S D I A R Y
K E E P O U T ! ! !

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.november sixteenth.

So it's my fourth time being to my shrink and Semp still doesn't know. No one really knows. They all assume I'm too busy working or getting laid that they don't question where I go every Monday and Wednesday for two hours. This is costing a pretty penny but my dad is paying for it all so I really don't care much. I think I need it. Well, I need the drugs. The anti-depressants my shrink gave me makes me feel..numb. I'm only supposed to take a pill a day to get started. I take three. I'm almost running out and I'm trying to think of an excuse to get more. I'm thinking about telling Mr. Stout that I lost my prescription and I need a refill. How unbelievable is that really? I'm supposedly a rich bastard that's irresponsible and immature. A few misplaced pill bottles doesn't seem to unreasonable. To top everything off, Semp's leaving me. Okay, well not leaving me, but leaving the house. He might as well be leaving me. I never see him any more because I work so much. The only time I get to see him is when we brush pass each other in the halls or we happen to be catching a quick breakfast together. I cherish those moments with him. No matter what I tell others and myself, I'm not over him and I never will be. Maybe it's for the best that he leaves, but I don't want him to because I'm selfish. I don't blame him for leaving. I'm not exactly the most fun person to be around lately and Tam..well she's pregnant so that's self explanatory. I just don't want to lose my best friend. I don't want to not see him every day. I've lived with him since I was 14. Fuck. This shit is too depressing. I need to feel numb again. Bye.

Sage.

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