psyched down. [Axel]

[Xi Coleman]

psyched down

I walked through the doors of the Richmond Mall. The food court was on my left, Gucci on my right, and Hot Topic somewhere on the other side of the entire mall. I went to the left. I needed thinking food. Which is why I didn't get it. Instead, I went to the Dairy Queen. DQ was always one of my favorite places. Ice cream, cakes, sweet things in general, really. I walked to the desk and said "Can I have a large Triple Chocoholic Blizzard, please? in a low, soft voice. The event had happened just yesterday. A kiss from Axel. Granted, not a very well-aimed kiss, but a kiss all the same. Just on the top of my head. I don't know whether Axel had been frantic with apology after doing it, or if he had done nothing. Maybe he had just continued reading. I wouldn't have noticed at the time. The feeling was still fresh in my mind. Just a little brush. Something warm, and a tiny pressure. So insignifigant. So small. But so incredibly powerful. An act I could not handle. Axel was my friend. I loved Zac. There was no contesting that. Zac was a demigod, and Axel was a human. Bear doesn't seem to mind... that annoying, sensible part of my mind pointed out. "Well, Bear got electrocuted by Zeus, didn't he?" I shot back, probably looking insane as I glared at my forehead angrily. The female cashier returned with my Blizzard, and bade me good day. I sat at one of the two-seat tables, wishing that Zac was here so I could explain...and beg for forgiveness. Or kiss him. That would've been nice. I closed my eyes, my hands closed around the Blizzard, freezing in their position. And then I let tears spill from my eyes like a waterfall, cascading down my cheeks and slamming on the table. Traitors. My tears were traitors. Sheer effing traitors. But I continued to cry. And cry and cry and cry until my eyes hurt. I realized how long it had been since I cried last. Months. No, years. I wasn't healthy. But I took advice from my favorite song; "Remember all the sadness and frustration. And let it go." So I did. I let it all go in one horrible, overpowerful bough of sorrow. I cried. Uncontrollably, as the tears burned down my cheeks, and my face flused. Uncontrollably as I wept about the look on my boyfriends' face when he found out. Uncontrollably as I wept for Axel, who might be in pain. And uncontrollably for myself. Selfishly, I cried for myself. So selfishly. And I sobbed, turning inwards on my own body, clutching one arm against my stomach as if that would mask the pain.

462, p!nk - who knew, axel, hungry,

[Axel Smith]

the drugs begin to peak ,
a smile of joy arrives in me

Axel was shopping at the mall. He was on his way to HotTopic when he passed the food court. He wasent to hungery but as he looked around he spotted who he thought was Xi. His breathing shortened and he just staired. He probably looked strange staring a some guy at a table who seemed to be crying. HES CRYING! He quickly stepped around tabels and people and lines to get to Xi. He silenbtly slid into the chair infront of Xi. He said nothing but pulled out a small silver iPod shuffle. He also had the headphones and charger in his pocket so he pulled those out as well. He waited until it looked like he had finished crying. "Xi? I um...here." He set the small iPod on the table next to Xi's hand, because both of them were wrapped around a blidzard. "I uh got this for you, it was eaiser than making a CD." He sat there looking at Xi softly. He wanted to be friends and looking at his sad face made his heart break a bit. He liked Xi but after yesterday he gave up on that.

He had stayed up all night reading that book that he had checked out then at about eight am he showered and changed. He had fallen asleep at about two am. But he then went to the store bought the iPod and a coppy of the book. He stopped back by the library and returned his books then went home and filled up the iPod with a small selection of songs. Seeing as the divice held about 200 songs. Then Axel decided to go to the mall to think and shop. And here he was. But then he quickly remembered the 100 dollar iTunes gift card he had bought Xi. He slid that across the table. "I wasent sure if you had an accout or anything, thats to help you get started with your music library." He pushed himself away from the tabel and looked down at Xi.

"Dont cry anymore ok? You deserve only happyness." He dint sound bitter because he wasent. He wanted Xi to be happy no matter what happened to him and he cred about Xi. It was as a friend now but he never wanted to see his only, well once, only friend hurt or be in pain. He turned to walk away becaue he wasent going to intrude on Xi's life anymore and ruin it or hurt him further. He held back tears as he took that first step to walk away.

you taught my heart ,
a sense i never knew i had
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

tagged xi words 454 notes this is kinda sad status unfinished template nixxy of CAUTION 2.0

[Xi Coleman]

psyched down

I was still crying when he arrived. Still crying when I saw the familiar long hair and light eyes. The familiar skin, and taste in clothes. The familiar kind eyes and gorgeous face of Axel Smith. Who I had met yesterday. For whom I was sobbing now. He slid into the chair in front of me, and took a small iPod Shuffle, a charger, and headphones from his pockets. "Xi? I--um...here." Axel said. But it couldn't possibly be him. The guy I had tormented myself over last night. The guy who I now knew a secret that no one else did, other than his mother. I almost noticed as the iPod and other things were placed on the table near the frozen fingers I could not force to move. "I, uh, got this for you. It was easier than making a CD..." Axel said. I hardly noticed. I was busy marveling at the fact that I was no longer in pain, regardless of the hell I was in. If this is how Hades lives, I don't think I'd mind too much. I thought. The air was still tainted with the melancholy fog that I had secreted. But that's only how it looked to me. Everyone else would see their normal, bright, happy Richmond Mall. I didn't bother to hear or respond to Axel's next words. Didn't eve bother to care what he said. Axel was here. In the mall. Talking to me. That was enough to rid the world of the thick gray cloud that now coated every surface. But then Axel moved to go away. My glacier-cold left hand flung out and caught him by the arm. "Stay." I said, my voice breaking slightly.

286, p!nk - fuckin' perfect, axel, hungry,

[Axel Smith]

the drugs begin to peak ,
a smile of joy arrives in me

His cold fingers locked around his right arm. "stay" Axel jumped and looked at his hand on his arm. He smiled inside at the touch and turned to face Xi. He sat back down in the chair and looked at Xi. He hung his head, not wanting to meet Xi's eye. He knew that if he did he might just cry. He looked at his hands laying on the table, palms up and open. He had nice hands. He moved his fingers and remember holding Xi's hand, he wanted to do it again but he wouldent. "Why do you want me to stay?" The question leaked out of his brain spilling out of his mouth. But as soon as it his the air it turned to vapor and hung around their heads.

"You left so quickly yesterday...I...Im sorry for what I did. I shouldent have it was rude." He lifted his head and looked at Xi through a veil of dark brown hair. He waited for Xi to speak to say somethink to stop the tiny fissures in his heart from turning into cracks. Because this man might just be the first one to break his heart. He knew the secret that Axel hid, he knew that it was important to keep it secret and that Axel worked hard to hide it himself. "Xi...I wont stay if it hurts you. I dont want to hurt you." He looked back down at his hands and let a single tear roll down his nose and drop onto his open palm.

you taught my heart ,
a sense i never knew i had
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

tagged xi words 266 notes i suspect that is one will be cute too status unfinished template nixxy of CAUTION 2.0

[Xi Coleman]

psyched down

"Why do you want me to stay?" Axel asked. I was more composed, and my voice was smooth and very Athena-like when I responded. "I think you deserve an explaination for my actions yesterday." I responded. My brown eyes flickered to look into his, but they were not there. Instead, they were concealed behind a veil of glorious brown hair. "You left so quickly yesterday...I...I'm sorry for what I did. I shouldn't have; it was rude. Xi...I wont stay if it hurts you. I dont want to hurt you." Axel said, his eyes still hidden behind the gorgeous brown hair attatched to him. "It wasn't rude." I said quietly. "It was instinctive. An automatic reaction. It's not your fault that you have hormones. I have them too. Which brings me to my explaination. I didn't leave because I didn't want to stay. I left because I just can't bear to think that I might be cheating. I have a boyfriend, Axel. It's not your fault. You didn't know. You don't think that, in your place, I wouldn't have done the same? Wait...that makes me sound like a narcissist. Anyway, the point is that I can't bear to know that I might have been cheating. That I might be a...well, to use the common phrase, a whore. Ha. But I can't be with you...like that. You're my friend. That's all. There's nothing I can do to change it, because I am utterly in love and devoted to Zac. Hope that me spilling my guts is explaination enough. And I think that it would probably hurt a fuckload more if you left." I smirked at Axel, and ate a small portion of my blizzard, feeling the icy, chocolate taste spread over me. It warmed me up and cooled me down at the same time. I wiped the tears from my face, and looked at Axel.

319, p!nk - who knew, axel, hungry,

[Axel Smith]

the drugs begin to peak ,
a smile of joy arrives in me

Axel dropped his head into his hands and cried. He dint care that he was in public. He let himself cry, he let out the pain. He knew that this was to good to be true, it was to perfect. He dint blame Xi or his boyfriend Zac. He blamed himself for being so stupid and foolish. He felt the cracks in his heart and let the silent sobs move through his body. I'm an idiot. I'm a stupid stupid man. Why did I do this? I went and fell in love and now I'm hurting. I still care about Xi, hes my friend and maybe I will meet Zac one day. But it still hurts.

Between the sobs and quiet sniffles he mumbled, "Xi I'm so sorry." Axel hated himself for making Xi feel so terrible. He had no idea that he had a boyfriend and he should have asked but the thought never crossed his pretty little mind. He just assumed that the feelings were the same for Xi and they were not the same. If anything he was the whore. He was a stupid little whore that was running on his hormones. "I care about you Xi, but now I see that we can only be friends. I hope that we can stay friends..." He looked at Xi with puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks. He wiped his own eyes and dried his hands off on his pants.

He would not take Xi from Zac. They were in love, something he wish to feel one day. Then that song started to play in his head and he laughed sarcastically. I Don't Love You by My Chemical Romance how fitting right? He wanted to be loved but that would never happen. Only Xi knew his secret and that would be the only person besides his mother that would know. He decided right then that he hated this hurting. He would have friends but never a boyfriend. He would marry some whore who liked his money and that would be the way things were. He looked at Xi and smiled kindly. "Your a good person Xi. Zac is lucky."

you taught my heart ,
a sense i never knew i had
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

tagged xi words 370notes i cried while typing this status unfinished template nixxy of CAUTION 2.0

[Xi Coleman]

psyched down

Axel burst into tears. He was making a scene. A scene that only a few obnoxious popular girls were looking at. I gave them a classic "fuck-off" look, and looked at Axel with pained eyes. It wasn't normal for me to see people in pain and not enjoy it. It was doubly disconcerting to know I had caused this pain, and it still displeased me. The battle-goddess part of my brain thought that the crying was merely a well-rehearsed ploy to grab my affections and remove Zac from the picture. The sensible part of my brain told Athena to shut the hell up and leave my thoughts alone. "Xi, I'm so sorry." Axel sobbed. An outraged look crossed my face, and I was visited by a desire to punch Axel for being so stupid. "Sorry! Why the hell are you sorry? Good God, Axel! I should be apologizing! I'm the one who was a senseless asshole. I should've been more direct in telling you my affections for Zac! I should've used the head-on approach to let you know! Damn my mother to hell for giving me her pig-headed paranoia! But I am sorry. Sorry that I put you in such pain. Sorry that I have to watch you cry and know that I can't do a damned thing about it!" I ranted angrily. Partially at myself, for being an ignoramus, partially at Axel for being so stupid as to apologize, and patially at my mother for being a pig-headed moron. I didn't care if she was the goddess of wisdom! Wisdom doesn't make you smart. It makes you perceptive. And able to see things clearer. "I care about you Xi, but now I see that we can only be friends. I hope that we can stay friends..." Axel said, his voice jumping up at random words. He stuttered over a few of the words, and hiccuped the way that sad people did. "Yes, we will stay friends, even if I have to murder every single one of my competition to achieve it!" I said in a soft, but still cold voice. "You're a good person, Xi. Zac is lucky." Axel said quietly, smiling at me. "Well, yeah. I'm not a horrible person, or I wouldn't have a boyfriend!" I laughed, suddenly happy. "So, I think it's about time we forget all of this depressing conversation and move on. Let's eat?" I smiled in an incredibly happy way. My eyes were sparkling with their normal, ecstatic light, and my face was no longer red and tear-sodden. "Could I coax you in with the word 'date?'" I asked with a half-smile on my face.

445, owl city - vanilla twilight, axel, hungry,