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Post by Bear Keeni on May 21, 2011 17:43:04 GMT -5
"I know.... it's just..." Just.... what? I didn't have an answer. It was all somehow justified in my head; I just couldn't put it into words. I sighed in defeated frustration, keeping my gaze down at the carpet. I hadn't ever explained this to anyone, so I didn't know what to say.
When she hit Becca, it surprised me how hard it hit home. I would mercilessly slaughter anyone who hurt her. And now Tam had me cornered with no way out. She had knocked me off my high horse and now I was scraping along the dirt with the rest of the humble world. My will was broken. "I know it's hard to believe, but I've been trying to change. For Becca. But it's hard to break what's been programmed into my head.... I'm trying, but it's pathetically not working." I shrugged lightly, obviously disappointed with myself.
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Post by Tamara George on May 21, 2011 17:54:39 GMT -5
Tam smiled slightly.
"Well that's a start I guess," She pressed encouragingly.
"'cause I mean you can still go on with the growly muttery stuff...which is actually strangely rather attractive now I think about it...urm where was I? Oh yes, you can still be like...you without all the...not so nice part. No one's all bad, you just have to pull on that...instead of taking the easy way out and biting everyone's head off...I do mean that literally as well you know because cannablism is NOT good," She said, adding a slight grimace on the end...she was curious...but she didn't like to ask, she didn't particularly want to know the dynamics of cooking people...ok so she did, she just didn't want to ask him in case she received too many grotesque descriptions.
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Post by Bear Keeni on May 21, 2011 18:23:13 GMT -5
Oh, so apparently my growling is attractive.... what the hell. Maybe that's why Chicago slept with me all those times. Just for my growling. "That's kinda what Becca had said..." I said. "I just don't know how to go about changing that." It's not like I can change all my ways with the drop of a pin, anyway.
((Ohmygoodgravy, I'm sorry it's so short. Dx My muse suddenly died.))
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Post by Tamara George on May 22, 2011 0:30:46 GMT -5
Tam shrugged.
"I guess that's down to you, as much as enjoy nagging even I realise it's not always 100% effective, you just have to do it yourself," She said, picking a few bits of fluff off her top absently.
"I can always help you along the way if you like though," She shrugged somewhat self consciously. If she'd been smarter she probably should have left it at that and walked away. That would have been the end of it, nothing complicated. Tam however, unfortunately often lacked basic common sense, even when she'd repeated the same mistake time and time again. He probably didn't need her, even she wanted to believe it no one really needed, he had a girlfriend already and he loved her and she'd probably end up tagging along as some third wheel, waiting for him...but once again, Tam had never had a great deal of foresight so she didn't think to shut up and go.
OOC: Gah sorry for the crappy post x.x |
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Post by Bear Keeni on May 22, 2011 15:36:26 GMT -5
"I highly doubt that you could help me." I snorted bitterly. "My mind is too far gone to recover. I've tried and failed, tried and failed, and tried and failed. I can't ever make the right decision, so what's the use? Sure, I want to change for Becca, but that's used up nearly all my determination." I don't know where all this "woe is me" shit came from, but it was all I could put into words to describe how shitty I felt as I began to realize that I couldn't change for Becca, no matter how hard I tried. "I can't change for her...." The words weighed heavily on my mind as I spoke them quietly, realizing the truth they had in them. Maybe I was forever meant to be a damn cannibal and rapist, not some guy that Becca could love and count on. Well damn, way to damper my spirits.
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Post by Tamara George on May 22, 2011 15:50:17 GMT -5
"Well you should probably start by at least pretending to yourself that you could do it...confidence is about faking it, just give it a try, you're a great guy...sometimes...and Becca must like you, and all that comes with you, enough," She shrugged even though thinking about it left an increasingly bitter taste in her mouth.
From what she knew, Becca was...well...pretty much saintly, if anyone could do it was probably her...and yet somehow Tam wished she could do something too...stupid as it was.
OOC: ...muse is now shot to pieces xD |
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