Breaking Point [Tori]

[Bear Keeni]

I don't even like the snow. I have no idea why I was outside, next to the lake, while the snow was steadily falling. There was already a light dusting covering the ground, but I honestly didn't give a shit. I was too pissed at the world to care about anything but myself.

Reaching down, I picked up a decent sized rock and hurled it as hard as I could out across the lake, listening to the splash as it broke through the surface and pausing to imagine it sinking straight to the bottom, never to come above the surface unless the lake evaporated for some reason. Like hell that was going to happen. Unless there was a seriously massive drought, that rock would never rise again, much like me. I was too far down in this shit hole to ever see the sunlight again. I had murdered; I had eaten corpses; I had raped too many people. There wasn't any place in this world for me to be.

Why the hell was I programmed this way? Was it because my father was fucking Ares? Damn -- Ripred damn it all. What if I wasn't this way? Would I be as nice as that shit face Sage, or as quiet as that Cody person? I certainly wouldn't be a cannibal -- I wouldn't be dying slowly from the inside by the excess amount of certain cells in my brain building up. I would've lived a long and free life, everything that my current short, demented, and damned life wasn't.

"Fuck it all -- just fuck it all to hell." I snarled in a dark, gravelly tone, swiftly picking up another large rock and hurling it out across the water as far as I could, hands closing into tight fists once they were empty. Dark eyes narrowed out on the rippling surface, my left hand absentmindedly reached down to my hip and pulled out the saw-toothed knife that was always pinned between my hip and jeans. The black blade was icy cold as I tapped it against the palm of my right hand; dark eyes turned down to the metal, watching the large snowflakes land and slowly melt into water droplets.

In a swell of anger I gripped the hilt of the knife and swung my arm down, letting go of the blade and watching it drive metal-first into the frozen ground. Long strings of colorful curses flew under my breath as I sat down on the snowy ground next to the blade, harshly yanking it up and wiping the dirt off of it.

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[Rebecca Chastain]

B E C A U S E
--I LOVE YOU

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Snow! It was so pretty. Yeah, bitter cold came with it, but that didn't really mind me all that much considering that the beauty surpassed the pain. Many people didn't really understand that but I guess that's why so many people complained and whined. My mind instantly flashed to Bear. A soft sigh escaped my lips and I could see it forming in front of me. Dang it was cold. I wrapped my coat around my body cursing that I didn't have a little more fat on my bones.

My feet started moving while my brain started to wander. Bear. The poor thing. Yeah, I felt bad for him, but he would never want me too. He was too proud of himself, but not in a bad way. Sure, I knew the things that people said. I've signed into the school chat enough times to see the way that people felt about him, but I ignored all of that. I didn't want to believe that he was really the monster people made him out to be. After all, all monsters were created some how and I was determined to figure out what made him tick. I guess you could say I fell for the "broken" guys, but honestly, I don't care what you think.

As if on cue, my feet led me to the late at Del Notre Park. And guess who was there? You guessed it. Bear. He was really really cute actually. There was this attraction to him that I couldn't help but have and I knew it wouldn't go away any time soon. I saw him move to the floor pulling something out of the snow. My head tilted in confusion. Bear didn't like the cold so why was he sitting in the snow. I moved closer and saw the shine of the knife that he always carried with him. A frown appeared on my face and I walked over to Bear. I sat down on the snow next to him. I didn't say a word, mostly because I didn't know what to say. Bear obviously seemed frustrated about something and when he was frustrated it was best to keep quiet.

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[Bear Keeni]

I wiped the cold blade clean of the dark dirt, my fingers tipped red from the cold. Such an amazing weapon, a knife is; able to end a life quick and painlessly or slow and agonizing. I personally preferred putting people through slow and painful deaths, mostly because it allowed me to vent my feelings, even though the outcome wouldn't favor my victim. The art of torture was really the only way I ever discovered that I could really and truly express myself in. I knew it was a taboo, but who gives a damn? I certainly don't.

There was the soft sound of footsteps beside me but I didn't bother with looking to see who it was -- I quickly identified the person by their smell: Becca. She always had a distinct smell that reminded me of... of a new book, or something closely related to that, though it had more of a sweet underlying aroma to the book one. It was a calming smell, really; every time I would hug her, I was sure to take a discreet deep breath and just indulge myself in her sweet perfume or whatever it was.

Becca was silent as she sat in the snow beside me. I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my arms around them, holding onto one of my wrists while my free hand loosely held the black hilt of the knife. I, too, was quiet for some time, just watching out across the lake as large snowflakes fell eerily silent, drifting like they owned the air.

"Do you ever think I could be like everyone else?" I asked suddenly, my voice small and somewhat timid. I was never really good with this kind of emotional stuff, but I needed to vent and I sure as hell wasn't going to attack Becca because, well, she didn't see me as the psychopath I was. To her, I was actually a good guy; I guess the fact that I raped people didn't bother her much, and hell, I can't tell you how much I was thankful for that.

"I mean... maybe... do you think I could ever change my ways? I've pretty much been conditioned to not have compassion for anyone or anything so all my snarky remarks are just... I can't help it..." I gave a frustrated sigh, unable to really put into words how I felt about this whole situation.

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[Rebecca Chastain]

B E C A U S E
--I LOVE YOU

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The silence filled the cold winter air. The park was surprisingly empty with only a few people walking by not even noticing me or Bear sitting in the snow. I assumed he knew it was me or else he would have said something otherwise. He wasn't one to not hear people approach him. He had really keen sense which I thought was super awesome. I had a pretty good ear considering I played the piano and cello, but nothing like him. See, he was just so talented and I just don't think others realized it.

I could sense Bear's movement but I didn't bother to turn around and look. Instead and stared out into the lake watching the snow fall on it gently. It was probably going to freeze over soon it was getting so cold. My body naturally leaned toward Bear I don't think I even realized it. Yeah, I loved the cold weather, but I was still human and humans got cold! Being closer to him, I could smell him a bit more. Hm, maybe it was his smell I was attracted to, but who knew. He smelled good, but there was that underlying smell of metal. Maybe it was blood, but I liked to pretend it was just because he always had his knife with him.

Suddenly the silence was broken by Bear's voice. It was different this time though. It wasn't the same powerful, confident voice that I always heard him speak with. No, this time he spoke softly and I was so distracted by the way he was saying the words, I almost did not hear what he was actually saying. He was obviously frustrated when he continued to talk and my heart almost broke. I was always pretty emotional and always picked up on others emotions, but no way was I going to cry now. I had to be strong for him because he was finally opening up.

"I don't know why you would want to be like everyone else." I stopped talking after that comment to try to gather my thoughts, but it was true. I loved Bear so much for the fact that he did not care what others thought of him and he did act how he wanted to. No, I did not approve of the violence that others accused him of, especially since I was a pacifist myself, but I didn't want him to feel like he had to be...normal. How boring. "I love your snarky remarks." I let out a small giggle but then returned to being serious. For the first time since I sat down, I turned to face him. Gosh, he was so...completely broken. His face was for the first time an open pallet and I did not want to screw this up. "Bear, you are one of the strongest people I know. I think - no, I know that you can overcome whatever obstacles the past has given you. I don't know what you've gone through and I would really love to know, but I understand if you're not comfortable sharing that with me yet, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that is I know deep down you are a wonderful person and I know you can accomplish anything. Gosh that sounds cheesy!" I smiled at Bear trying to show my sincerity because I was sincere.

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[Bear Keeni]

"I don't know why you would want to be like everyone else."

As much as I didn't want to admit it, I didn't always like being hated by everyone. People would pass me by and shoot off glares and threats, but didn't I do that, too? So why was it bugging me so much? You like her. She's the only one that's ever treated you as though you were sane, and you want to be sane for her.

Everyone else didn't have to go to sleep at night wondering if they would be arrested in the morning. Everyone else didn't have to think about when the next time would be when they lost their temper and attacked someone with the intent to take their life. I guess I had just wanted to not be as unpredictable as I am now. Maybe I needed something steady in my life to simmer me down.

I turned my head to look at Becca briefly. The snowflakes were dotting her dark hair like the stars that glitter in a clear night sky, unknown constellations placed about on her soft, wavy locks. My dark eyes' gaze traced along the features of her face: the soft bend of her cheekbones, the tip of her nose, her soft lips, and her deep blue eyes. Many times I had found myself staring into her eyes, as though just the sheer deepness of the blue had pierced straight through me. This time, though, I had a completely different purpose: I was searching for answers. Why did she like me the way I was? I thought murderers and those that eat their own kind were looked down upon, not seen as equal; but here she was, telling me that she liked my snarky remarks towards others. I guess I just couldn't comprehend the kindness she was showing me.

Normally Becca's smile would send a shock wave of strange warmth through me, but today I was chilled to my core with depression and confusion. The weakest of laughs escaped me, merely just a sharp exhale of air as I turned my attention back to the snow falling over the lake, keeping silent for a few moments.

"My mother was a prison guard," I began, my voice small and timid. I had never told anyone my reasons for the things I did, so of course I was nervous. "Not only that, but she was in some sort of ring of prostitutes, or something. I don't quite know how she ended up with Ar--.... my dad... but it was most likely a mistake how I ended up being conceived. She never intended getting pregnant because of her one night stands, so when I came along, I was just a burden to her; just an extra mouth to feed and a waste of her 'hard earned' money. She was hardly ever at home, so I learned to fend for myself fairly quick. I'm used to be independent. But when I hit puberty, everything changed. My mother thought she could make money off of me by selling my body because of.... of.... certain reasons, and just about every other night someone would come to our house and my mother would lock me in a room with the stranger. I was traumatized after the first time I'd been raped, and the visits were becoming more and more frequent; I hated it. I despised everything about sex, but when I figured out that there was no way I could stop what my mother was doing to me, I knew I had to learn to get used to it. I had to find a way to make it something that was more pleasant, but how could you do that when every other night someone was forcing themselves onto you?" The back of my eyes were stinging, hot, salty tears welling up in my eyes and slowly streaking down my face. "My mother didn't care. Nobody did. That was when I learned to harden my shell and not let anyone get to me; I'd only lose them in the end, so what's the use? And now.... now I'm honestly terrified of people. I was so used to being taken advantage of that I think that if I don't make it known to not mess with me, then I won't be forced upon or taken advantage of. And if being hostile to everyone means that they all hate me, then.... then so be it; as long as I don't have to go back to being locked in a room and sold then I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks." I paused, trying to hide the wavering tone in my voice. "I... I just wish that I wasn't so scared of people anymore... I envy those bastards that don't go to sleep at night wondering if anyone is lurking beside their bed, just waiting for the perfect opportunity. It's hard enough on my mind to tell myself that Dream isn't going to assault me in the middle of the night... but no one can be trusted. I don't even know what trust is anymore. Everyone I ever trusted has just thrown it back in my face, and I don't want that anymore. I've always wanted to be able to trust someone -- I've just always wanted to know that there's someone out there that will prove to me that not everyone is like my mother and will sell off their own offspring, or anyone close to them...."

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[Rebecca Chastain]

B E C A U S E
--I LOVE YOU

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Bear finally turned to face me and I could help but stare straight in his eyes. They were so black. No not dark brown, but black. They were so filled with sadness and hate and I just wanted to take that away from him. How? Yeah, that's a good question that I did not know the answer to, but I would try. Someone had to try because there was no way I was just going to let him keep on suffering. I loved him too much.

Bear started talking and I felt like I was drowning. Words were spilling out of his soft sweet lips and they would not stop. I wanted to know though. I wanted to know his past but for some reason I never though it was...like this. Images flooded my brain and I couldn't help the tears that formed in my blue eyes. I knew soon they would overflow, but I said I was going to be strong for him. My hand moved to meet his and I held it firmly. Was I holding his hold to give him strength or to give me strength? Well, let's just say both.

I watched as his eyes filled with their own tears and his voice shaking. Soon my sadness and pity turned to hate. Hate towards his mother, towards his father who was not around. Hate towards all those guys that continuously went into his room day after day with no remorse. Hate towards everyone at school who hated him and threatened him while he was really just afraid and hurt and damaged. I squeezed Bear's hand tightly not ever wanting to let go. I was a pacifist, but I would kill at the sight of his mother.

I turned to Bear not even caring that tears were falling from my eyes. I bet I looked like a mess and usually I would have cared that I totally lost my cool, but I didn't care around Bear. With him, I could be whoever I wanted to be and he could be whoever he wanted to be and it was perfectly okay. I leaned in to give Bear a hug. My arms wrapped around him tightly. His body was cold and shaking and I didn't know whether it was from the cold or because he had finally opened to someone. Either way I wanted him to know that I was going to be there for him. I pulled away and held both his hands with mine and rubbed them slowly.

"Trust me..." I wasn't aware that I was speaking in a whisper so I cleared my throat and started to talk again. "Bear, I promise to never ever betray your trust. I hope you know that you can trust me and if you're not ready yet I'm willing to wait as long as I have to or do anything I have to in order to earn it. I've never cared for a person so much as I care for you and I...hate that you had to go through what you did. If I had the choice I would go back in time and take you away from that place. I wish I could just run away with you right now so you never have to go through that pain again. But that's not what you need..." I reached up to wipe away his tears from his face. That face that used to be twisted and turned with so much hate from being forced to grow up so fast was now wide eyed like a child's. "I don't want you to live your life in fear sweetie...I want you to be able to make friends with people and laugh and have a relationship with a girl and be able to hold her and make love to her without any guilt after." Yes, it was true, I wanted a relationship with Bear almost more than anything, but I wanted his happiness even more. "I love you."

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[Bear Keeni]

I had never opened up to anyone like this before; Rebecca Chastain was the first person I had ever told all this to. Maybe this was why I was so broken right now: all the emotions -- fear, anger, hate, distrust -- were just flowing out of me after having been bottled up for such an incredible amount of time. I don't even remember the last time I had cried, let alone cried this much. I felt as much of a wreck as a person who had just lost someone they held near and dear to their heart, streams of tears running freely from my faintly red eyes. Why had I caved so easily? Maybe it was something about Becca that just appealed to me and told me that I could, in fact, trust her. Maybe I knew instinctively that I actually needed this time to free myself of all the pent up anger I had to everyone in the world -- but Becca. The sensation of her soft hand against my own was abnormally warm, causing goosebumps to dot my arms. I closed my shaking fingers lightly around her hand, not wanting to let go of her until she hugged me.

Unable to form words, I put my arms tightly around her, holding her close against me. In the midst of the falling snow and freezing temperatures, I felt my core warm as I held her, something I had never really experienced before. The very center of my body had never felt like this before... people have told me, though, that crying is a good way to relieve yourself of inner torment, and now I know what they meant. I'm just really glad that it was Becca to see me in my weakest moment rather than anyone else.

I didn't want to let go of her, but I held tightly onto her hands, wanting something to remind me that she was really there.

"Promises are just words..." I half-heartedly muttered, though I felt guilty for saying that. Did she really care for me the way she was describing it? I thought stuff like this only happened in fucking books: the stupid beast ending up with the girl in the end. That never happened in real life; the bad guys were always locked up or killed while the cocky good guys ran around and got around. But this...? All this emotion was new and overwhelming to me. Was this love, or just a strong bond of friendship? I had never experienced either, but whatever it was, it was slowly beginning to mend my shattered self.

I looked up at her glistening blue eyes as she gently wiped the tears from my face. My trembling free hand reached up and held onto her hand that had been near my face and I brought it down, pressing it against my chest as a vague signal of trust and thanks. Her very last sentence, though, threw me off guard as I looked at her:

I love you.

Love.... love. She loved a murderer? A rapist? The most hated guy in school? Surely she was kidding, but as my gaze remained on her eyes, I could sense the sincerity behind them. Becca wasn't lying, or so it seemed. I had known her for a while now and she wasn't one to lie.

Without warning I let go of her hands and put my arms tightly around her in a massive embrace, shutting my eyes tightly as more tears forced their way out. It was right then that I realized something -- something that both scared the hell out of me and thrilled me at the exact same time. Little did she know that she was slowly healing me on the inside because of this discovery, and in a weak, hoarse voice I confessed this to her.

"I love you, Rebecca."

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[Rebecca Chastain]

B E C A U S E
- - I LOVE YOU

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As Bear wrapped his arms around my small frame, I felt warm. The snow was no longer cold and the air no longer bit at my bones. Instead, my face flushed with a slight blush and my heart pounded sending warm blood throughout my body. Words could not have expressed how happy I was that Bear had opened up and that he trusted me enough to tell me and to hold me. Everyone always said he was this bad guy, but I just could not see it no matter how many accusations the other students made.

We both pulled away and held each others hands. His were so huge against mine they practically swallowed my hands, but I couldn't help but smile ever so slightly. I liked the fact that Bear was strong and taller and bigger than me. There was never ever a time that I was with him and felt in danger. I was okay giving him hugs and touching him and showing signs of affection that I wasn't really comfortable showing to others. I wasn't a big fan of other people touching me and having random hugs from strangers that I did not know, but Bear was not a stranger. He was Bear! My best friend and crush.

I had to admit the words he spoke next hurt even if it was just a little. "Promises are just words..." A small pout formed on my lips. I didn't want him to think that my promise meant nothing. To me, someone's word was the most important thing and I took it seriously. I wanted him to know that I was serious about everything I had said. But before I could say anything, Bear pressed my hand that was wiping away his tears onto his chest and all doubt left me. I knew he trusted me. There was no way he was going to let me so close to him if he didn't. I was glad that I told him I loved him.

And at that moment, Bear was the one to hug me. His arms held me so tight I felt as if the whole earth could have fallen apart at that moment and we would still be holding on to each other, nothing able to break us apart. I felt his tears drip from his eyes and I reached up to stroke his hair hoping to soothe him some. I didn't want him to cry any more. I wanted to know that he was happy and that his life wasn't so crappy. And then I realized that he wasn't crying sad tears.

I love you, Rebecca.

With those words I was in the same position as he was. I started to cry uncontrollably. I hugged Bear even harder than I thought possible and I just didn't want to let go. I wanted give him my heart, I wanted to hold him and kiss him and tell him I loved him every day. I wanted to be able to stand by him and support him through any difficult time he may have but I also wanted to be able to just enjoy life with him. I pulled away slowly and looked up at him. Though his eyes were always black and filled with hate and sadness, I didn't see as much of it now. I saw that slight shine of something more. Hope? Hope that maybe someday he could become more. Well, I had something more than hope, and that was faith. I believed that he could change and that not just the school, but everyone he came in contact could see him for the breathtaking person that he truly is.

I leaned into his body and tilted my head up, my lips slightly pressing against his. I had no idea how he would react to the kiss. Would he kiss me back? Would he turn away rejecting me? Maybe when he told me that he loved me he meant that he loved me as a friend, as a sister even. I pulled away from the kiss because of these thoughts, a blush probably obvious on my face. "Sorry..." Avoiding eye contact, I looked down at his hand and grabbed it with my own and smiled realizing it was okay if he didn't see me as anything more than a friend. I could be there for him as a friend and help him heal and help him be whoever he wanted to be. I looked up at Bear and smiled, eyes probably red and swollen from crying. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I hope you know that." And it was true.

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[Bear Keeni]

They say that everyone has a soul mate, no matter who the hell you are. "Oh, there's plenty of fish in the sea," or "everything gets worse before it gets better." Well, news flash, bitches: my entire life had been down-spiraling for the worst. For a murderer and cannibal like me, there was no happy ending -- but maybe that was all changing. Maybe people really did get second chances at life; it just took me about six or so years to get mine. And maybe love comes hand in hand with second chances at life. I don't know, that's probably a long stretch, but as I sat there hugging Becca tightly, I figured anything was possible. Hell, if she could like someone like me, then anything really was possible.

Not long after I had confessed my feelings of affection and gratitude for her, she began crying and her embrace on me tightened a considerable amount. I didn't like seeing her cry but we both were in a weakened state, right? Using my hand that didn't have the knife in it, I gently and slowly ran my palm up and down her back in a comforting way, hoping to calm her. I wasn't quite sure why she was crying since I was the one who had just spilled my entire guts to her, but eh, I wasn't going to ask. I simply closed my eyes, holding back the last few tears and just enjoyed the feeling of her against me.

When she pulled away, as much as I didn't want to, I opened my eyes to look down at her. Before I could say anything she lightly pressed her lips against mine and my entire world just lit up.

I had never kissed anyone without knowing what would follow soon after. Never once has I felt anything like this before: a foreign, warm feeling crept into my very core, melting the shards of ice that were there. Someone actually cared for me.... someone didn't actually hate me. This very feeling in itself brought a fresh wave of tears to my eyes and I did nothing to stop them; the salty drops ran down my cheeks, releasing all the bottled anger and hatred towards humanity that I had within me.

Becca.... oh, Becca....

Even after she stopped the contact, I still felt incredibly warm and fuzzy on my inside like I had just eaten a kitten. My glistening dark eyes watched her as she looked down, apologized, then took my hand in hers. Why was she sorry? She had just proved to me that not everyone in the world was the same: there actually were people out there that cared for wastes of human life like me. Not everyone was just wanting one night stands. I felt that I could actually love Becca; she had taken the time to get to know me and proved that she wasn't like everyone else.

And I loved her for that.

Sniffing quietly, I reached out to the side and drove the cold blade into the ground beside me, never taking my eyes off of her.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I hope you know that."

With my newly-freed hand I curled my fingers lightly into my palm, setting it under her chin and gently lifting her head up so that I could look into her eyes briefly before leaning forward to rest my forehead against hers. My hand lightly caressed her face as I fought to keep my voice from wavering. "My angel..." I whispered softly, closing my eyes again. Everything around me seemed to just fade away: the school, the snow, the faint bird calls, the waves on the rocks; all of it. It was just Becca and I here, alone, with no one to tear her away from me. I wasn't about to lose her anytime soon -- I really didn't want to -- but I knew that people wouldn't approve of us being together. They'd probably tell her that I would end up just raping and killing her afterwards, but I wasn't like that now; not at the moment, at least. Becca was the one person I knew for a fact that I wouldn't hurt.

I tilted my head forward a little, softly pressing my lips against hers. Being sure to not get psychologically carried away, I was reserved with how deep to make the kiss, though I did feel that I did justice to her with simply just being gentle. I was so used to being rough and harsh that taking things in slow strides actually felt good.

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